The Life Before You
by Kanon Anderson
Summary: They said they would kill her. Do anything to stop her. Not once did he consider that this hell was what they meant.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: It's been awhile since I've written, but thought it was time to get back in the game again. Let me know your thoughts.

"Tell me the story of us." Her soft voice breaks through his thoughts and he looks up from his clasped hands, eyes focusing on her clear olive irises. She's watching him with an amused stare, clearly waiting for his response. He's told her a story every day that he's visited. Cases they had worked on. Things they had once done together. This is the first she's ever asked to hear about them specifically and honestly, it surprised him a bit.

He had been so lost in thoughts that he hadn't even noticed that the nurse that had been there when he first arrived had finished tending to her bandages and was now gone. Her request was the first words she had spoken to him since his arrival forty- five minutes early.

"You're in luck," he finally says, leaning forward to take her hand, "That one's my favorites." She smiles back and once again, just as he is every time, he's startled by the look of utter youth on her face. If it weren't for the stark white bandage wrapped tight around her forehead, it would be easy to forget she wasn't well. That the Katherine Beckett that was propped on the bed in front of him was the person he knew and yet didn't know. He studied her hand wrapped tight in his and took in a deep breath before beginning.

"You hated me at first. Called me a nine year-old on a sugar rush," he said, smiling again. As he always did when remembering, his eyes started to drift shut. Forcing them open, he focused once more on her face. "It was fall and….I was slogging my way through the worst case of writer's block that I've ever had. It'd been nine months since I had even an inkling of a plotline. Some idea would come to mind and then the minute I would sit down to write…nothing." He closed his eyes, remembering that period of his life he thought he would never get through. The money from Hail of Bullets was close to running out. Alexis' school was getting more expensive and the alimony…he considered marrying one of his exes just to reduce the amount of money being spent. "I decided I needed new inspiration. A change of scenery. Anything to help me start writing again."

He paused again to gather his thoughts and licked his lips. The hospital air was dry and he always forgot to get a bottle of water before his visits. He glanced at her mouth, noticing the cracking along the pale pink of her lips. Making a quick mental note to bring her chapstick next time, he squeezed her hand and continued. He laughed to himself, thinking of the first time she realized he was the one she would be working with. The look on her face was one of utter shock…and slight disgust. Needless to say,it hadn't been one of her finer moments. "I'm not sure what made me think of the murder mystery/detective angle. It'd been done so many times before and it was risky…a hard market to break into, but I didn't have anything else and figured what the hell. The worst that could happen was my book being turned down. I tried speaking with the NYPD, who turned me down." As always, he felt the question before she got a chance to voice it. "It took the mayor stepping in for me to be able to work with you. It was only supposed to last for one book, but then…Black Pawn, my publishing company wanted three other books and so I stuck around. It took you a whole day after that to admit you had gotten used to me hanging around. I almost died of shock when you said that. Of course there was a death threat attached to that statement. " A smile broke out on her face and she looked down at their hands.

"Why did you choose me," she asked, studying his face closely. She liked studying him and his nuances. The way his face would smile and his eyes shined when he looked at her. His visits were her favorite. He always made her smile even everything around her seemed gray and hazy.

"You were….the best," he said, "Highest arrest rates…most cases solved. The decision was easy. The first day I met you though, I was surprised. You were nothing like what I expected." The smile returned to his face. The same smile she recognized as one he wore when he was remembering a moment they had once shared together.

"Why did I surprise you?" The yawn she had been fighting off ripped through her and she blinked the sleep from her eyes, her grip on his hand gradually weakening.

"We'll save that story for another day," he said, squeezing her hand and standing up from his chair. "You need your rest." She wanted to protest, but found that she couldn't. Already, her eyes were drooping from sleep.

As he always did before leaving, he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, brushing the strand of auburn hair behind her ear. "Sleep well."

"Will you be here tomorrow?" Her words were slurred as her eyes began to drift shut.

"Always." He pressed another kiss to her the pale hand clasped in his own hand before resting it by her side and tucking the blankets closer. Her skin was warm against the chill of the hospital but he never wanted her to feel cold again. Silently, he waited for her breathing to even out before gathering his jacket and leaving. The door whispered shut behind him and he leaned against it, closing his eyes.

"How's our girl today?" Castle glanced up and saw Jim Beckett, her father, walking towards her. His hands were shoved in his pockets, the suede jacket he always wore hanging on his shoulders. Like the younger man before him, the stress of the past months showed. Clothes fit looser. Worry lines had multiplied and deepened. Even more gray hair showed at the temples of hairlines.

"Today was a good day," Rick responded, a ghost of a smile on his lips, "I told her the story of us." He shifted away from the door, moving to face the older man.

"That's one of her favorites," Jim said, smiling and glancing towards the woman now asleep in the hospital bed. Rick followed his gaze and felt the tears return to his eyes.

"Mine too," Rick responded. "I'll be back to see her tomorrow. She's resting now…just fell asleep a few minutes ago."

"She needs the rest," Jim said, sighing, "Three months in a coma…who knew you would need so much sleep after being unconscious for so long." Castle nodded, reaching for his phone.

"I need to get going. Have a meeting with the publishers. Call me if…" His voice trailed off at Jim's almost imperceptible nod. He nodded back and turned, leaving the hospital and walking into the rain.


	2. Chapter 2

Her lips are pressed against his, long fingers scratching through his hair, pulling him as close as possible. Waves crash in the background. Seagulls screech above in the sky above them. She laughs as she pulls away from him and starts to run up the beach, casting a beckoning look over her shoulder. He runs as fast as he can, trying to catch up to her, but he can't. His lungs burn from the salt and the sand, sweat trickling down his back from the heat of the afternoon sun. She's gone now, only her laughter echoing in the breeze.

He awakes with a gasp, his lungs reaching for air just like in his dream. Dream…nightmare. The two were so interchangeable these days. He remembered that day. Memorial Day of this past summer. Just six months ago. It seemed like another lifetime. Except on that day, he had caught to her and thrown her over his shoulder. Kate had shrieked and playfully hit him across the back while he carried her back to the beach house. He had tossed her on the bed and they had made love that afternoon.

Castle squeezed his eyes shut, willing away the sting of tears. He reached for the laptop by his bed and cracked it open, wincing at the bright white light that filled the bedroom. As it always did since Alexis had left for college, Skype automatically popped up. He saw that she was online and without thinking twice, video called her. He smiled when her face appeared on his computer screen a moment later.

"Hey kiddo," he said, a genuine smile spreading across his face, "You're up late." Books and papers surrounded the teen, hair tousled like his was when he was trying to think.

"Dad, it's college," she said, rolling her eyes, "It's only one a.m. I was just finishing a lab assignment." She bit her lip, taking in the dark circles under his puffy eyes. She could tell he had been crying recently. His normally bright blue eyes were dull and tinged with red.

"How're classes going?" He focused solely on her- the one part of his life that had kept on it's normal path.

"They're good. Hard," she replied, "Nothing like high school." Castle snorted, rubbing his hand over his face. Of course she had chosen biology as her major. She chose the hardest classes, the hardest path. The overachieving daughter that had come from a happy go lucky dad. It never ceased to amaze him that this was his daughter. Half of him. The better half of him.

"You'll do fine," he said, "Don't forget to have fun every once in awhile." Another eye roll before her face became serious. He knew the questions before she asked it. The same question every time they spoke.

"How was Kate today?" It came out soft, almost a whisper. Like saying it softly would lessen the sting of the blow. He gave what he hoped to be a convincing smile.

"She's good. She uh….she asked about how we had met." He raked his hands through his hair, his hand falling with a softened thud against the bed's down duvet.

"And what did you tell her?" To anyone else, the question would seem strange. How two people had met. As with everything between Richard Castle and Katherine Beckett, there was more than one side. One where he had pulled high up strings to work by her side, studying the NYPD for his books. Another where he just felt like playing cops and robbers, using his book as a pretense.

"I told her the truth. That she hated me at first and it was only after asking the mayor that I was allowed to work with her on cases," he said, grinning. The truth. That one surprised Alexis. Not that her father wasn't always honest, because he was…for the most part. It was just that most of his stories were so embellished, so fanatical that they only partially resembled the truth.

Since Kate's shooting…since she had woken up and couldn't remember anything beyond the muscle memory functions of her body, the fanatical stories had become few and far between. She had overheard him talking with Kate about what they had done together. The cases they had cracked and the adventures they had had. Before waking up, the stories had been wildly exaggerated. A thousand bullets flying out of a window, surrounded by at least twenty men bearing guns. But since she woke, the stories, while still slightly embellished were less so. The doctors had said he needed to go easy on her. She could easily become confused with reality versus fiction. He had been told to downplay the truth, give her time to adjust to everything around her. Clearly they missed her smile when he ignored the rules one day and he told the story of when they had been handcuffed together and chased by a tiger. To the rest of the world, the story was too random to be real. For Richard Castle and Katherine Beckett though, that story was real.

"I like how you two met…it was romantic, in a way," Alexis said, grinning. "Even when she wanted to mount your head on the wall I knew she felt something for you."

"Thanks kiddo," he said, a soft smile on his face. He always felt better after talking to her. "I better let you go. Get some sleep and don't forget to have fun every now and then, okay?"

"Only if you agree to take care of yourself," she replied. A smile was on her face, but her tone said she wasn't kidding.

"Will do, sir," he grinned and gave her a salute. "Good night, sweetheart."

"Night, Dad." He clicked off the screen and shut his laptop, sliding back down between the covers. He reached for the pillow next to him and buried his face in it. He imagined he could still smell cherries and vanilla, even though the smell had long since faded. Closing his eyes, he fell back into the world of dreams. Where he was surrounded by cherry blossoms and her laugh echoed all around him.


	3. Chapter 3

Let me know your thoughts :) Sorry it took so long.

He found her in the small hospital garden, a white blanket wrapped around her to ward off the chill that permeated the air. She stared at the bare trees in front of her, but he knew she wasn't really seeing anything. The leaves had fallen of the trees weeks ago. Nothing but bare grey limbs was left. There were no flowers in bloom or birds flying around, nothing to breaking up the grey monotony that filled the skies.

He'd met with her doctors that morning. She was healing and was well enough to be released the next day. She would still have some physical therapy appointments to help regain the strength that had been drained from her due to the several months in bed. From talking with her father, he knew she would also be seeing her regular therapist to deal with the emotional downfall of the amnesia. He had done his best to hide the disappointment when the doctors said she had less than a 30% chance of gaining some of her memories back. No greater than 5% of her remembering everything before that day. Tears had gathered in his eyes, but he didn't allow them to fall. She was alive. Everything else could be rebuilt.

Leaves crunched under his shoes as he walked towards her, two cups of coffee in his hands. He sat on the bench in front of her, smiling when her eyes finally met his. "I managed to sneak something in for you," he said, holding out on of the cups.

"What is it," she asked, smiling shyly. She sniffed the vapors coming from the hole in the plastic and grinned. "Thank you." She took a sip and closed her eyes, a look of bliss crossing her face. Amnesia or not, her reaction was the exact same as it had been before the shooting. He felt his smile grow wider as he watched her eyes slide open again. "I get to go home tomorrow."

"I know," he said, "I spoke with your doctors earlier." He took a sip of his coffee and set it aside, rubbing his hands together to spread the warmth. "Have you thought about where you want to go?"

"I'm going to stay with my dad for awhile," she said, biting her lip gently. "I just….I don't really know where home is and that seems like as good of a place as any to start." Like so many times leading up to this moment, he kept on smiling. Smiling meant he could ignore the pain for just a bit longer. Six months ago, home had been more than a shelter for her. It was her wrapped in his arms as she slept at night, a place where she was safe and loved. Where they fought, where they made up. She still had her apartment, but her things had been slowly migrating and mixing in with his. Her bras with his boxers in the hamper. Her shirts put opposite his in the closet. Her coffee cups by his coffee machine. He wanted her to move in with him, but as with all things that involved loving Kate, he knew she needed to come to that conclusion on her own and in her own time.

He heard her call his name and looked up, shaking his head from his thoughts. "Everything okay," she asked, looking at him with concern. A hand had slipped from her coffee cup and lay in her lap, palm up and reaching for him.

"Yeah," he said, shrugging, "Was just lost in thought. What did you ask?"

"I was wondering…if you'll still come visit me." Her green eyes shimmered with so much hope that he couldn't help but to immediately agree.

"Of course," he said, reaching out and taking the hand she held out for him. "I'll visit any time you want."

"I'd like that," she said, squeezing his hand back. She let go and wrapped her hand back around the coffee cup. She was biting her lip again and he knew she had a question to ask, but wasn't sure how to ask it. "Rick, can I ask you something?"

"Anything," he said, leaning forward, elbows resting on his knees.

"What kind of relationship do we…did we have," she asked, "The other day, you told me the story of how we met and how you drove me crazy. What's the real story of us? Are we friends…more than friends? Do we just work together?" Her words caught him off guard and he didn't know where to start. There were so many secrets now that weren't really secrets that had once created the complex layers of Katherine Beckett. Her mother's murder that lead to her dropping out of law school. Her father's alcoholism that lead her to mistrust others. A tumultuous combination of events that lead to her obsessions to find what had had destroyed her once happy life. "Did you…do you love me?" She asked the question out right. Once again, the Kate Beckett he knew shining through. One to never really beat around the bush.

"Everyday," he said, honestly, "It took awhile, but my charms finally won you over." He wiggled his eyebrows at her and she laughed, ducking her head so the mess of curls hid her face.

"How long was 'awhile'?" She looked back up, curls falling back away so he could once again see her eyes.

"Four years," he said, "And if needed, I would wait just as long all over again. Every moment we've had together has been more than worth it. " His expression grew serious, but the smile never left his face.

"I wish I could remember. Everything you say about us…it sometimes just seems so unreal," she said, looking up to the sky again. He knew she was trying to hide the one fault that was glaring to everyone. She couldn't remember and what she did know only came from his stories. Richard Castle had once thought a life without Katherine Beckett in it was the most tragic thing that could ever happen to him. But it many ways, this was a true hell. He could see her, touch her and smell her. Wrap her hand in his and had kissed her many times while she slept. But he knew that a part of her would be gone forever. Less than 5%. Kate Beckett had beaten a lot of odds in life. He wasn't sure if this was one she could conquer.

"You will," he said, trying his best to reassure her. He squeezed her hand gently, rising to throw their coffee cups away.

"What if I never remember?" He heard the tremor in her voice and turned back to her, kneeling to be by her side, directly eye level with her. She saw a glimmer of fear for a moment in her eyes and knew he had considered that very question and the prospect of a future where she persisted as the myth of someone who once was seemed daunting and frightening to her. She had listened to all of his stories, even when she knew he thought she was asleep. The person he spoke of could never be her. She could never match up to the person he spoke of every time his eyes lit up or a bright smile covered his face. But, she would try her best. She didn't know why, but she owed him that.

"Then we'll make some new memories," he finally answered. The conviction of his words soothed her. He gently pressed a kiss to the bandage covering her temple then stood, putting his hands on the grips of the wheelchair and gently pushing her back inside.


	4. Chapter 4

This is a short chapter...longer one will be up later today/tomorrow.

It was late when he keyed into the loft, the sun having set three hours earlier. He had spent the afternoon at the hospital, making sure that everything was lined up for Kate's physical therapy and therapist appointments. He had pushed her in the wheelchair down to her father's truck and helped her safely inside. She had squeezed his hand gently, asking again if he would visit her. Needing reassurance that she would see him again. He had smiled and promised that he would come visit on Sunday to bring her back to the city before taking her to see Dr. Burke on Monday for therapy. If she was up to it, she could spend both Sunday and Monday night before returning to the cabin for her therapy on Tuesday afternoon. He'd been so lost in her smile that he almost hear didn't her father clear his throat. He had quickly amended they would be sleeping separately…in separate rooms. He squeezed her hand gently then shut the door, but not before he saw the soft smile and the quick wink from Kate's dad before driving off for his cabin.

"Hey kiddo," he heard his mother say from the bar area, "Kate get released today?"

"Yeah," he said, walking over to the wood cabinet where he kept the scotch and whiskey, "She's headed up to her dad's cabin. Just wanted to make sure her physical therapy and everything was good to go." He poured himself a glass of whiskey then sat down next to his mother, falling heavily into the bar seat. He leaned forward, resting his elbows against the marble counter, glass of whiskey in his hands.

"You're upset that he chose to stay with her father." She took a sip of her martini, turning to see her son better. He laughed to himself, taking a heavy drink of the whiskey. Leave it to Martha Rodgers to cut straight to the point. Sometimes, it just made things easier.

"Yes, even thought it doesn't seem like I have much of a reason to be mad at her," he said, "She doesn't remember our time together. To expect her to come home with someone she feels like she just met…..". He paused, playing with the thick crystal glass he held in his hands. In a burst, the frustration he had been feeling welled up in his chest and he ran his hands through his hair roughly. "I want to be mad at her. Shake her and make her remember. I mean…it astounds me that something so small can destroy something that's taken four years to build." Exhausted from his short outburst, he slumped forward again, hands sliding the glass back and forth. "Four years, mother. And all it took was one bullet to take all of that." He took another drink and rubbed his hands over his face. Martha sighed and reached out, taking her son's hand in her own and resting their linked hands on the cool bar top.

In some ways, she wished she could empathize to him. At least then it would help him understand there was someone else who felt his pain and anger. The truth was she had never truly loved anyone she wasn't related to for more than a few fleeting moments. Moments that were nothing compared to the love she saw between her son and Kate Beckett. She'd only seen love like that on the stages she acted on. He could have had a dozen girlfriends in the four years it taken him to gain the trust and the heart of Katherine Beckett. Two people who had been through everything that was meant to tear them apart and still, he hung on.

Letting out a deep sigh, she squeezed his hand gently, causing him to look up at her. "The heart remembers what the mind forgets," Martha said finally, "If there's anything you've learned from working with Kate Beckett it's that hope and patience are all that's needed. You've been with her every day and I've seen the way she looks at you...even since she woke up. Trust me darling, her heart remembers you. She just doesn't know what to make it of it yet." She drained the last of her martini and stood, placing it in the sink. As with all of these moments with his mother, they were short and fleeting. But none the less heartfelt. "Have a good night and don't stay up too late. Alexis is hoping the two of you can go to the zoo tomorrow." She patted him on the cheek gently then went up to her room.

Castle finished the rest of the whiskey and placed his glass next to his mother's before turning off the lights and going into his room for the night. He hoped the whiskey was enough to chase off the dreams that haunted him at night. Dreams of gunshots and blood and eyes that were open, but couldn't see a thing.

Instead of gore, he dreamt of Alexis and the day she found out caterpillars grew into butterflies. The look on her face when the monarch butterfly emerged from the cocoon it had formed in the small plastic box he had given her for her caterpillar, Tiger, had been so strongly imprinted on his memory that he could still see the wonder in her eyes. Hope and patience. The repeating mantra of Richard Castle's life.


	5. Chapter 5

"C'me on Dad! We've gotta see the penguins." He grinned as his daughter grabbed for his arm, dragging him over to the glowing blue tank. He watched as Alexis pressed her hands to the glass, grinning as the penguins dove and swam around in the icy water. She had done the exact same thing every time he brought her to the zoo. She saved the penguins for last. Loved to draw out the excitement of the trip.

He studied her for a moment, noticing her hair was a bit longer, her face a bit thinner. Gone was the gentle roundness she had originally inherited from her mother, only to be replaced by his stronger jaw and high cheek bones. His daughter had been growing up before his eyes and he hadn't noticed it, so lost in the grief and anger of the last three months.

Alexis had woken him up at nine a.m., gleefully tugging on his arm and tickling his nose with a feather. He had grabbed her before she could escape and pulled her into the bed, tickling her until she screamed for mercy. She had tried to fight back but in the end, it proved to be pointless. When she asked for French toast and a day at the zoo, he knew there was no way he could resist. He gave in easily to her, always had. Hoping in some ways to make up for the affection she'd never had from her mother. So, he had gotten out of bed and taken her to George's for breakfast before making their way to the zoo. It was one of their favorite traditions.

"I can't believe these are still your favorite," he said, leaning against the glass next to her, hands shoved in his pocket. The icy blue reflected against her pale skin, matching the color of her eyes.

"Are you kidding? They're so cute," she said, grinning up at him. "I mean the way they waddle and who can resist a guy in a suit." She wagged her eyebrows at him, earning a grin from her father. "Let's go get some ice cream?" She pushed away from the tank, coming to stand in front of him with her arms crossed over her chest.

"But you just had breakfast," he said, putting his arm around her shoulders and leading her back out towards the park and towards ice cream.

"When has that ever stopped you before?" She laughed again and he pressed a kiss to her hair.

"Is Kate coming to stay with us this weekend?" She quickly licked at the chocolate ice cream that dripped down the side of the frozen hot chocolate they shared, savoring the rich taste of the chocolate.

"Sunday night, maybe Monday. Just have to see how she feels," he said, sticking his finger out and swiping the whip cream that stuck to her nose. He stuck his finger in his mouth as she wrinkled her face in mock disgust. He had wanted today to be about them. Seeing her at the zoo, he had realized just how much she had grown up in the semester since she had started college. She still laughed and they played their games, but it wasn't the same. At the beginning of the semester, she had come home every other weekend. Recently, it had become only once a month. Or whenever her roommate was driving her crazy. She had met a new guy the first week of classes. Castle met him a couple of times and he seemed nice. It took a full month before Alexis even mentioned she was seeing someone. He had nearly choked on his steak when she had brought it up. His back had felt bruised from Kate beating on it to dislodge the meat that had gotten caught in his throat.

It hadn't been as painful with Kate beside him, reassuring him that it would be okay. She was in college now and that changed everything. He could accept it or he could fight it. He wanted to fight it, but every time he saw her excited smile when she spoke of her biology class or her English class, he found it easier to accept. She may be growing up, but she would always be his little girl.

He remembered the night Alexis had come home, gushing over the date she had been on the night before with Nick. He had taken her out for Italian in Little Italy, then a movie at the Angelica. Kate had put her hand on his knee, squeezing gently while she rested her chin on her fist. She listened to everything Alexis said, smiling and comforting Castle at the same time. Her touch always calmed him, whether after a long day working together or after having just made love. Like him, she could never stop touching. Hearing about the date with a boy he had met after they'd already had four dates only served to remind him of everything that was changing.

He had hugged Alexis extra tight that night, pressing multiple kisses to the crown of her head. Kate had stood by and watched with a faint smile, giving the girl a quick hug before watching her leave. "My little girl's grown up," he had said, dropping on the couch, his head in his hands.

"They tend to do that," she replied, sitting next to him. "But, she's happy and doing well in college. You should be proud of that." She had run her fingers through his hair and curled up next to him, pressing gentle kisses to his lips and neck. It was funny, but the thing he remembered most that night wasn't the ghost of her touch or the taste of her lips. It wasn't the sadness of having to let his daughter go. It was the feeling of wholeness…of being complete that had filled his heart when he thought of his mother's laugh, Alexis' bright eyes and Kate's smile when he had looked around the dinner table.

"-the Poconos?" He looked up at Alexis' words and saw her patient smile. "Nick's family invited me to go to the Poconos with them for part of winter break. Is it okay?" She repeated the question without being asked. She knew he was doing his best to make this day about them. She sometimes thought Kate had replaced as the number one person in his life. But when he looked at her and laughed, she knew that she hadn't been replaced. The part of her father's heart that she held was the same as Kate's. Just in a different place.

"Winter Break already? Seems like it was just summer," he said, taking one last bite of the sundae.

"Well, it is November," she said, "Two weeks until Thanksgiving."

"How long will you going for? Are his parents go? Is it their cabin? Are you sharing rooms or will you have your own room" She smiled at his rapid fire questions, glad to see her old dad was back.

"It'd only be for four days and yes his parents are going. The cabin's been in their family for like two generations and yes…we'll have separate rooms. His parents are kind of conservative," she said, "I promise I'll call everyday and if anything happens, I'll come back. Promise." She held out her pinky for him, grinning as he hooked his around hers.

"Yeah, you can go," he said, leaning back. "Honey, you're in college now. You don't need my permission every time you want to go somewhere with your friends." He trusted her so much, her maturity way beyond what his had been in college.

"I know," she said, shrugging, "I want you to know, though. I like it when you know about my life and care about what I'm doing."

"Alexis, I will always care and will always be a part of your life," he said, squeezing her hand gently. He wiped his mouth and left a couple of bills on the table before standing to leave. He reached out his hand for her, smiling when she took it.

They walked around Bloomingdale's, her mainly looking for some new things for college and him willing to buy whatever she needed. Two hours and a large credit card bill later, she hugged him goodbye, taking the subway back to Columbia.


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry it's been so long...hope you enjoy! Reviews, as always, are appreciated.

The air was cooler at her father's cabin. The ground covered with leaves that had fallen from the trees. He told her he had bought the cabin when she had been a child, spending every summer there. He told her that she had loved climbing the trees and going on hikes. The lake she used to swim in wasn't too far. Her father had driven her to it one day, when the air wasn't as cold. She sat on the dock, her knees pulled to her chest as she looked out over the green water. She imagined herself jumping off the dock, the cool water surrounding her. When she closed her eyes, she could almost feel the warmth of summer suns long past. As with all of her memories, it was whatever she made up in her own mind, having only seen the pictures her father showed her. Her imagination filled in all of the blanks.

She found that she liked being alone, but often missed the company of Rick and the people she had been introduced to as friends. Kate wondered what had made her favor her independence, often wandering off for a couple of hours each day just to be by herself. She reached for the phone a couple of times, wanting to call and talk to him. She didn't know why she craved his company so much.

When in the hospital, she had met Javier Esposito, Kevin Ryan and Lanie Parish. She knew they were her friends and she had enjoyed talking with them. They made her laugh with stories of things they had done together, the pranks that she had been apart of. But the way she felt about them…it was different than how she felt with Castle. He made her feel safe and at home. She liked seeing him most of all.

It wasn't that she didn't enjoy her time with her father…she really did. She liked hearing the stories of her childhood and her life growing up, but it was like a piece was missing. Something she wasn't being told. She wanted to ask but every time she did, it was like something foreboding and taboo. Everyone around her knew some secret and she wasn't privy to it. At least not yet.

Kate shivered as she walked back up to the cabin, tucking the hair that had pulled out of her braid behind her ear. She saw a red Ferrari in the driveway and grinned. She didn't know how, but she knew that car belonged to Rick. She tried to pick up her pace, anxious to see him, but the walk had left her winded. Slowly, she climbed the stairs and stepped into the house.

They were sitting by the fire when she found them, cups of coffee in hand. His face lit up when he saw her, moving over on the sofa so she could sit next to him. "I'll get you some coffee," Jim said, rising from the chair he sat in. "You were gone for awhile."

"Yeah, sorry," she said, "I didn't realize how far I had walked." She rubbed her hands together, feeling for the first time how cold her skin had become. She felt Rick set his cup aside and reach for her hands, cupping them between his that had been warmed by the coffee.

"You doing okay," he asked, studying her. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold, but the bruising that had been under her eyes had faded. He was glad to see she was getting more sleep.

"Yeah," she said, smiling shyly, "It's so quiet here. Not like the hospital and Dad's been pretty good company. He's been telling me stories about how I grew up. I can't believe some of the stuff I did." She smiled at the memory of the stories, eyes drifting down to their tangled hands.

"That's good," he said, letting her hands go. She missed the warmth, but understood why when her dad entered with her cup of coffee. She took it gratefully and took a long sip of the hot drink.

They sat and talked for awhile, Jim telling Rick what they had been up to the past couple of days, of how she had been doing with her physical therapy. The two weeks she spent in the hospital after waking up had helped her regain some of her strength so she could walk around some. 50 yards was her walking limit. Anything more and she was too exhausted for the walk back.

When it came close to lunch time, he gathered her things and waited while she hugged her father goodbye. Jim watched as he carefully helped her into the car, placing her bag in the backseat. He waved Castle up, under the pretence of shaking his hand goodbye. "She needs to know about Johanna," he said, patting him on the shoulder. "She'll take it better if she hears it from you." Castle nodded solemnly, turning back to the car. He saw her innocent smile as she waited for him and felt his heart break again for her.

"Everything okay," she asked as he climbed in the seat next to him, buckling his seatbelt.

"Yeah," he said, smiling, "Was just telling your dad I would let him know if you decided to stay Monday night." She nodded and smiled. She had packed two sets of clothes, knowing she would want to stay, if for nothing more than to bask in the warmth he brought to her.

The ride back into the city was quiet and he was glad for the traffic once they hit the major roads. He glanced over at her every chance he got, taking in her wide eyed look as saw the towering skyscrapers and sun hitting the Hudson. "I love this city," she whispered, fingers touching the car's glass gently.

"I know you do," he said, squeezing her knee. She smiled at him then settled back in the seat. As excited as she was to see the city, she was exhausted. Her eyes slid shut against her own will and soon, she was asleep. He turned up the heat a little and let his hand slide from her knee so she could sleep peacefully.

It was dinner time when they reached his loft. He woke her with a gentle touch to her cheek, brushing the hair from her face. "You okay to walk inside," he asked, unbuckling his seatbelt.

"Yeah," she said, stretching in the carseat. "Can you get my bag?" He nodded and climbed out, walking around to the trunk, pulling her things out. He slung her bag over his shoulder and reached his hand out for hers. She grasped it gently, following him into the warmth of the building.

Alexis had dinner on the table when they arrived, the teen's face brightening just like her fathers had when she saw the detective. She rushed forward and hugged her gently, asking how she was. Kate smiled and said she was doing fine and thanked her for her concern.

"Kate darling, so good to see you," Martha said, stepping forward to hug the young woman.

"You too," she said, hugging her back, "You look wonderful."

"Oh thank you," Martha said, "So do you. I guess a few days at the cabin has worked wonders." She squeezed her shoulder gently then lead her over to the table.

Dinner was simple. Pork chops, mashed potatoes and a salad. Castle looked around the table and smiled, happy to see his family was whole again for a moment. Martha talked about her newest role, Alexis talked about her biology project. Kate was mainly quiet, just taking in the presence of those around her.

After dinner, Martha left to join some friends for drinks while Alexis left to meet friends for dessert. Kate pulled her legs up next to her on the couch, leaning into the corner while Castle finished cleaning up in the kitchen. She sipped the wine he had poured for her and looked around the apartment at all of the pictures of himself and Alexis. A few of the pictures were of him and her and she smiled.

"Do you want some more wine?" She turned to see Castle next to her, the bottle of wine and his glass in hand. She nodded and he set his glass down, taking hers and pouring more of the rich red liquid into it before taking his own. He sat next to her on the couch, letting her make the next move.

Uncertain at first, she shifted to where he sat, curling up into his side. She felt his arm come around her and a gentle kiss pressed to the crown of her head. "I don't know why I trust you so much," she whispered, letting her wine glass rest on her knee.

He nodded and swallowed hard, dreading the conversation he knew they needed to have. Her blind trust in him, the innocence in her eyes...he no longer wondered how beautiful she had been before the shadows had started to haunt her eyes, stress lines marring the smooth skin of her face. He took another sip of his wine and chose to change the subject, delaying the inevitable as much as possible."Did you have a good visit with your father," he asked softly, running his hand up and down her arm.

"Yeah," she said, smiling softly. "He told me about my life growing up. I apparently liked swimming and climbing trees. My favorite color's purple and I had a dog named Patches. He was a beagle."

"You always were a sucker for cute and furry things," he said, pressing another kiss to her head.

"Explains why I like you." She grinned up at him, laughing as he rolled his eyes. She rested her head back against his chest and took a sip of her wine. "It was weird though. When I was with my dad, it felt like something was missing…like a hole that could never be filled." She heard his heart beat speed up and twisted around, meeting his eyes again. "What happened Castle? I know you know...what is it that's so terrible that no one talks about it or has brought it up?" Her eyes searched his, hands desperately clutching at his.

He closed his eyes and felt her grip on his hands tighten even more. He didn't know what to say...where to start on the darkest chapter of her life. How could he ever approach the one thing that had repeatedly threatened to tear herself apart. It had always been the dividing line between. The past...the future...and everything that had brought both of them to that one moment. He loved Katherine Beckett and he knew that part of what had made her the woman he had fallen in love with was her tenacity to find her mother's killer. Taking a deep breath he opened his eyes once more. The only place to start was at the beginning. The place where Katherine Beckett had ended and Detective Kate Beckett began.

"Kate, I think it's time I told you the story of your mother."


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry it's been so long...work's been crazy. Promise to be better about posting another chapter soon.**

"She was lawyer," he said, deciding to start easy, "You…adored her. Wanted to be just like her. You went to Stanford for a semester to become a lawyer…just like her. I never met her, but from what I understand…you're just like her."

"Why just a semester," she asked, tilting her head. He looked down at their hands, closing his eyes for a moment. Her determination and drive were part of what had made Katherine Beckett the woman he had come to love. He reminded himself of that when he looked back up and met her olive colored eyes. Taking a deep breath, he continued with the story.

"She was murdered. She was working on a case and was shot," he explained. At his words he heard the sharp intake of her breath. Felt the quick clenching of her hands on his.

"Did the…" She paused, licking her lips and looking to the ceiling, "Did the police find her killer?" Her eyes closed as tears filled her eyes and she gently pulled her hand away, swiping them away before they could fall.

"Almost," he said, folding his hands together. "You almost did. After her murder, you left Stanford and joined the police academy. Your entire career has been driven by her murder. " He knew he was leaving out details, but there was so much to her case…so much that he didn't know yet how to tell her. Sometimes there were no words to describe or tell the story of how a human developed. What drove them, pushing someone to divert from the path they had been on.

He studied her reaction, blue eyes watching closely as the light that had filled her eyes slowly dimmed. "Kate-" He reached for her hand again, but she pulled away, pushing herself from the couch. He saw the pieces falling into place in her eyes and felt tears in his own eyes.

His heart broke when he saw her tears, the shattered look on her face. "You kept this from me," she said, wrapping her arms around herself, "You, my father…" Fingers ran through her hair rapidly as she paced.

"I didn't want to," he said, standing up, "I just…the doctor told me-"

"I'm not fragile, Castle. I'm not going to break," she said, her voice rising. "I don't need you to protect me." She grabbed her bag that she had set by the couch and turned, heading for the stairs. "What I do need is some time to myself, so if you don't mind, I'd like to get some sleep."

He nodded, watching as she walked up the stairs. He fell back on the couch, leaning forward to rest his head in his hands. This was not how he imagined the night going. A part of him was angry at her father for leaving him to break the bad news. Another part of him knew why he had. After the first time, he had left her. Told her it was over, their friendship/partnership was over. It took hanging of a ledge to bring her to her senses. He prayed it didn't take that to bring her back to him again. Hearing the door shut upstairs he stood again and gathered the wine glasses before turning off the lights and going to bed for the night.

The ride to Dr. Burke's was silent, the tension awkward and thick. "Just call me when you're done," he said, pulling up outside the building. "I'm just going to get some coffee." He didn't want to make her feel crowded by waiting in the lobby for her.

"I called Lanie," she said, "She's going to come get me and then we're getting lunch, so there's no need to wait." She climbed out of the car and started to shut the door when his hand caught it.

"Then just text me when you're ready." She paused for a moment and nodded before closing the door. Ready to talk…ready to see him again…ready to begin the accepting the truth, she wasn't sure what he meant. But she turned her back and headed up the stairs all the same.

She wished the office looked familiar to her. That the man before her sparked some kind of recognition, but there was nothing. "Hello Kate," the man spoke, his voice deep and clear. "My name is Dr. Burke."

She nodded and clenched her hands together, pushing her hair behind her ear. "I want you to know that I've spoken with the doctors who treated you and I am aware of your amnesia." His voice was smooth and calm and Kate nodded, clutching her hands together. He paused and waited for her to speak. When she remained pensive on the couch, he continued. "Why did you decide to come back and see me?"

"The doctors that it would be good for me to see a therapist. Help me adjust to not remembering." She recited the words she heard so often in the hospital. Adjust to not remembering. There wasn't much to adjust to if you didn't know who you were in the first place.

"How've you been feeling?"

"Good," she said, "Tired. Irritated that I need the help of others." Dr. Burke laughed lightly. Some things never changed.

"I understand that Richard Castle has been helping you with your recovery." He noticed her tense up and took note of it.

"Yeah. He was also keeping secrets." He raised his eyebrows and made a note, looking up to see her chewing on her lip.

"What kind of secrets?"

"He told me about how my mother died. After me wondering for a month and finally having to ask. He said it was what shaped me. Drove me. How the hell you keep something like that from someone?"

"Have you considered that he did it for your own good?"

She had her mouth open, rebuttal on the tip of her tongue. The words quickly disappeared as his words sank in. "How the hell could keeping a huge secret from me be considered for my own good?"

"You said so yourself…it drove you and shaped you. We often spoke about the late nights you spent obsessing over the case. It was why you gave up being a lawyer and became a cop. To tell someone who has no clue has to who they are…it can be damaging. Force them to feel like they need to become the person they were." He took a deep breath and studied her. A fresh anger now filled her. The one that had almost destroyed her in the first place. "Kate, like it or not Richard Castle is in love with you and would do anything for you. Even if that means walking away from your for your own good or if it means keeping your mother's death from you to try and save you."

"I just want to remember," she whispered, looking down at her hands.

"And over time, you probably will," he said, "Maybe not all of it, but some of it will come back. I've already seen some of it come back to you." She looked up at him, curiosity masking her face. "The way your eyes soften when you talk about Rick. The awkward comfort you have with your father. Believe it or not, you are remembering. Just not in the way you want to." He reached out and touched her hands gently. "Time and trust, Kate. That's the only thing that can heal you now."

He tried calling Dr. Burke's office at three, only to be told she had already left. He had texted everyone…Esposito, Kelly, Lanie…everyone. It wasn't until 4:15 that he got a text back from Lanie. Kate was with her and was safe. Just needed some girl time. The fist that clenched his heart loosened a bit.

He leaned back with a heavy sigh, rubbing his hand over his forehead. He wanted to go to her, try and help her understand. His heart wanted him to go. His head told him to stay. He had won her once with his patience. He just would have to wait again.


	8. Chapter 8

The sunset was pink, filtering through the clouds and filling Lanie Parish's apartment. She poured another glass of wine for Kate then sat down, leg tucked beneath her. She studied the woman across from her, noticing the far off look on her face, lip tugged between two teeth.

"Well, you gonna tell me why you're here with me instead of with Castle? Not that I don't enjoy the girl time and all, but I'm pretty sure this isn't what you had planned for tonight." Kate looked up, startled by her friend's blunt approach. Something told her this wasn't the first time they'd had this conversation.

She rolled her eyes and reached for the glass of wine, taking a long drink to contemplate her answer. "You're right. It's not," Kate replied. She decided that being honest was her best response. "He finally told me about my mother." The silence that followed was her response.

"Kate, the doctor said-"

"Oh god, not you too," Kate said, setting down her wineglass. "Why the hell do people suddenly think that I'm something breakable? That telling me would suddenly destroy me?" She stood up and paced again, fingers running wildly through her hair.

"Because it did almost destroy you." Lanie slammed her glass down, the deep red contents spilling over the side and onto the table. "Dammit Kate, the first time you investigated it? It almost killed you. It's why you don't remember a damn thing. Seen that little scar on your chest? That's from the first time they shot you. Why you can't remember a damn thing? That was the second time. Gunshots to the head are almost always fatal. Your shooter knew that. But two centimeters, Kate. Just two centimeters either way and you would be dead." She paused, seeing the stunned look on her friend's face. It was everything that they had been told to not tell her, everything that she had been dying to know, but didn't realize until that moment. "You used to deny that any could love you, but this is proof. The fact that your friends…your family…everyone has been trying so hard to help you get back to your normal self, even at the expense of keeping a part of your life secret. He loves you. God knows why he does, but that man just does not give up. He sat by your side every day for the past three months. Holding your hand, making sure everything was financially taken care of so your father didn't worry about it, made sure that Dr. Burke was the psychiatrist who would see you…flying in doctors to make sure you got the best care." She paused again, pursing her lips. "So, yeah Kate. I get that your mad, but forgive me if I side with Richard Castle on this one." She walked back into the kitchen with her glass and poured the rest of the contents down the drain before returning with a rag to wipe up the spilled wine.

She saw that Kate was now sitting on the couch, staring down at her hands. "Kate, look, I'm-"

"Don't apologize," she whispered, cutting her off. "It's what I needed to hear." She stood up and reached for her purse. "Do you mind taking me back to Castle's for the night?"

It was half past nine when he heard the knock on the door. He set aside his laptop and walked to the door, flashbacks of another night floating through his head. Opening the door, he saw Kate on the other side, looking at him with unsure eyes. "Can I come in," she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

He nodded and stepped aside, letting her into the loft. "Lanie told me everything," she said, sitting down. "About the gun shots….why I can't remember anything….what you did for me." As always, he let her speak first. Her voice faded off and she closed her eyes, clenching her hands tight. She worried her lower lip between her teeth; a habit she clearly carried through the amnesia. "I don't know who I'm supposed to be." Her admission came out soft as a whisper. He sat across from her, wanting to touch her, but knowing she needed to wade through the thoughts in her mind first.

"Over the past few weeks…all I've heard about is how strong I was…how independent and driven I am…used to be." She hung her head, her hair cascading over her shoulder and partially hiding her face. "Do you know what it's like to wake up and have no idea of who you are? Not remember anyone or anything?" He shook his head, not knowing what to say.

"When I opened my eyes…I can't even describe how I felt. And then…I looked over and saw you." She let out a rough laugh, sniffling to keep the tears at bay. "And I just…I felt calm and I wasn't afraid and the crazy part is I didn't even know why. It's like a part of me hadn't forgotten that you cared for me…loved me."

The breath caught in his throat, his adams apple bobbing as he struggled for words. "Lanie told me about what you've done…about the doctors and paying for everything. You would have to care about someone a lot to have all of that done." She looked back up, meeting his eyes. "I wish I could repay you, but I don't think anything I could ever do would be enough."

"Kate-" She cut him off, reaching for his hand. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. For leaving. When I didn't call you and left, it didn't feel like the first time I had done that….and I didn't like that feeling." She fell silent, linking her fingers through his.

"Why did you agree to come with me this weekend?" He squeezed her hand gently, hoping the change in conversation helped.

"Because I needed to figure out what this is between us," she said, "Last night, sleeping alone…I wanted you in bed with me, holding me. But I just..after the way we fought? I was so angry and still…I wanted you there with me." She sniffled again, waving a hand away when he went to touch her cheek. He stood and sat next to her wrapping his arm around her waist. "I'm so scared, Castle. I just wish-" Her voice cut off with a sob as she buried her face in chest, feeling his arms tight around her.

He didn't say anything as he held her. He just rubbed her back gently, brushing the tears as they fell down her face. It was the first time she had cried since waking up. Had shown any emotion other than the outburst of anger from the night before. He held her tight as she shifted in his arms, nose brushing against his throat, inhaling the smell of his cologne, detergent and sweat. He brushed a gentle kiss to her forehead, only shifting when he felt her go lax in his arms. He picked her up gently and walked to his room, laying her on his bed. She woke briefly while he helped her undress, pulling off her shoes, jeans and the sweater she had worn. He handed her one of his t-shirts before watching her disappear into the bathroom.

When she returned, wearing his Green Lantern shirt and hair in a loose braid, she climbed between the covers next to him. Without being asked, she shifted into his arms, her head coming to rest on his chest. He reached over and turned off the lights, wrapping his arms around her. Pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead, he closed his eyes and quickly fell asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

It was close to dark by the time they reached her father's house after having lost track of time in the city. After making pancakes, he had taken her to Central Park, where they walked and talked about everything and nothing. The sky was bright and the air crisp with a wind that tossed the leaves around. Lunch was purchased from a sandwich place in Columbus Circle and eaten on the corner of the park near the Peter Pan statue. Her eyes had lit up when she saw the carousel and had taken his hand, dragging him over to the line. He laughed, thinking how she was now more of a woman child, the past still there but a little less heavy since their talk.

He paid for two tickets and laughed as she walked along the entire carousel before settling for a horse with a plum and lavender saddle. He climbed on the horse next to her, pulling out his phone to take a picture of her grinning face. The picture was the one that would now appear every time she called.

She had been sad to leave this city, but was looking forward to seeing her father again. After stopping for coffee they got into his Land Rover and drove off for upstate New York.

Rick looked over at the woman next to him, when he saw she was sound asleep. The short walk and carousel ride had exhausted her. He knew she was still recovering, that sometimes walking a lot wore her out, even though she was too stubborn to show it. Quietly, he got out of the car and walked over to her side and gently unbuckled her seatbelt . He gathered her in his arms, careful of her head as he maneuvered her out of the car and up the stairs to the front door.

He pushed the doorbell, relieved that her father quickly answered the door. Seeing his daughter sound asleep in the writer's arms, he motioned to the stairs with a flick of his head. Rick climbed up the stairs and went through the second door on the left. The door with a purple "K" on it. He laid her on the bed, pulling her shoes and jacket off before reaching for the blanket folded at the foot of the bed. She let out a soft sigh and shifted, her eyes opening slowly. "Hey," he said, smiling and brushing the hair from her face. "You're back home. I didn't want to wake you when we got here."

She nodded sleepily, giving him a soft smile. "Thank you for today," she whispered, nestling her head against the pillow.

"Anytime," he said, running his thumb over her cheek. "Your dad's downstairs and I've gotta get back to the city. Meeting with Black Pawn tomorrow."

"Text me when you get home?" She yawned, fighting to get her eyes open.

"You'll be asleep."

"Don't care. Text me." The sleep left her voice just enough for her serious tone to be heard.

"Okay," he promised. "Get some sleep. I'll see you next week." She nodded and her eyes slid shut again. He waited for her breathing to deepen and even out before pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. Sliding the door shut behind him, he walked back downstairs.

"The two of you have a good time?" He accepted the cup of coffee in a travel cup from Jim at the bottom of the stairs.

"For the most part. We uh…fought when I told her about her mom." He took a sip of the coffee, letting the caffeine wake him up for the drive back.

"I figured as much. I'm guessing the two of you made up, though." Rick nodded, shifting uneasily.

"She's still confused and a bit angry," he said, "But we've worked through it before. We'll get through it again."

"You're a good man, Rick and I know you'll take care of Katie," Jim said, "Thank you…for everything." He nodded and pulled the keys from his pocket and heading for the door. "If you want to come up and visit her, you're always welcome here. I know she'd love to see you."

"I'd like that," he said, smiling. He didn't know much about Jim Beckett; the man never spoke much and when he did it was always about his daughter. Rick knew about his past, the drinking and the regret he felt towards the way he had raised Kate. But, he also knew the man loved his daughter more than anything and didn't trust just anyone with her. He felt honored by the invitation. More than he could ever show. "I'll call on Wednesday, see how she's doing. The two of you need to spend some time together and I don't want to get in the way." Jim nodded and walked the man to the door, watching as he stepped outside.

"Have a safe trip back and be sure to let Kate know you got home. She won't admit it, but she'll worry." Rick gave a half smile and laughed to himself, shaking his head as he got in his car.

It was almost midnight by the time he got him. Traffic on the Expressway backed up because of an accident. Alexis was watching a movie and texting back and forth with Ashley. She grinned when he walked in, scooting over so he could sit next to her. "Have fun with Paige," he asked, putting his arm around her.

"Yeah, dad. Thanks for letting me spend the night." He smiled and pressed a kiss to her head. "Grandma's out with George…the guy she met at the MoMA thing the other night." Rick resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Toeing off his shoes, he put his feet up on the coffee table before steeling a handful of popcorn from the bowl Alexis cradled in her arms.

"Kate get home okay?"

"Yeah. We left here a little later than planned." He felt Alexis jump when the ghost on the movie appeared in the tent and smiled. 'The Sixth Sense' was her favorite movie although she would never admit it. It had given her nightmares the first time she had seen it. Refused to build another fort until her dad brought home a genuine Ghostbusters pack and zapped any ghosts there may have been. He smiled at the memory and rubbed her arm gently.

"I've missed this," Alexis admitted, her voice soft against the creepy music coming from the TV. Feeling a tug at his heart, Rick pressed pause on the movie and shifted so he could see her better.

"I have too," he said, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear. "You've been amazing through all of this, you know. Cooking dinner…making sure I eat…visiting with Kate and balancing everything with classes. I know this hasn't been easy for you and want you to know how proud I am of you." She smiled and hooked her arms around his neck, hugging him close.

"I'm proud of you too." She kissed his cheek and pulled away, studying him. The haunted look that had filled his eyes the last time he had seen her was lessened. She knew about the fight with Kate. She also knew they had made up. The amount of dishes and the leftover pancakes she had found in the sink that morning proved that. "How 'bout we make a new rule. One night a week is our night. Just the two of us."

"Sounds like a plan to me." He pressed another kiss to her forehead and let her settle against him one more, cheek pressed to his chest. He pressed play on the movie and reached for his phone, texting Kate quickly. To his surprise, he received a text right back.

"Glad you made it back. Can I call you tomorrow?"

He wrote back one word. "Always." With a smile, he shoved his phone in his pocket and put his arm around Alexis to finish watching the movie.


	10. Chapter 10

He felt like slamming his head through the large cherry wood conference table in front of him. Eyes bounced from Gina to Paula and back to Gina like a tennis match. Another book release. Another tour. He groaned at the thought. Gina pushed for a twelve city tour. Paula wanted twenty. Rick wanted none. "Frozen Heat" had just been published. He had a box with a few copies sitting on the floor next to him. The only good thing that had come out of the day…a new gift for Kate.

He was shaken out of his thoughts by a nasally shout from Paula. "Ladies! Enough." He stood up and reminded them of his presence. "If at all possible, I would like to put off the tour as long as possible." Both women looked at him like he had lost his mind. "Kate is sick and I can't leave her now."

"Rick, this is your book…your future we're talking about," Gina said, walking up to him. "Kate's fine. She's out of the hospital and recovering. You've gushed to both of us about how well she's doing."

"She doesn't a remember a damn thing," he said, facing his ex-wife. "She's survived and getting better, but I cannot leave her right now." His tone was firm and slightly cross, something that tipped both women off that he was serious.

"What about a small two week tour? Hit the major cities..Houston, Las Vegas, LA, Chicago, Boston and Seattle ?" Gina suggested. Paula eyed her and nodded in agreement.

"One and a half weeks," he countered, "No frills. Just signings and readings. I want to get back here as quick as possible. And Kate has the option to travel with me."

"Deal," Gina said, after pausing for thought. "Well Paula, looks like you have some details to tend to." Paula rolled her eyes and gathered her notes before walking out the door to speak with the publish house's travel agent. Rick clasped his hands in relief then pinched the bridge of his nose as to calm the headache raging through is skull.

"So Rick, how is Kate doing theses days?" He opened his eyes and found the petite blonde watching him with interest.

"She's better," he said, "She's staying with her father at his cabin. Her physical therapist is able to see her there and…it seems to be helping. She stills get tired easily and she still doesn't remember much of anything, but…I can't give up on her."

"Doesn't remember much of anything…does that mean she remembers something?"

"Not really. She has dreams sometimes…mannerisms are the same, but she doesn't even seem to realize that." He ran his hands through his hair, turning to face her more. "A meant it. One and a half weeks. No more than that."

Gina studied the man before her. When they had married, she knew he had been immature and still in his playboy phase. At the time, it had been fun. Over time, it got old. She wanted someone serious, someone that would give anything and everything to be with her, to take care of her. Not the other way around.

Somehow, over the past three years he had grown into that man. The immaturity was there, but he was serious when he needed to be. He didn't sleep around anymore. Every minute he had was spent with Alexis or Kate. She had been with him when the call came. A man had been in her apartment. Shot her from behind, execution style. She'd never seen the color wash from his face so quick. Had never seen him speechless and unable to react. The life drained from his eyes as he stammered, sliding the phone in his pocket. She had watched as he left, any question she had dying on her lips. She knew only three people in the world could cause fear like that. Two were related to him. The last was Katherine Beckett. Somehow, the detective had accomplished what she had never been able to. To get Richard Castle to fall head-over-heels completely in love with her.

"Okay," she said after a long paused, "One and a half weeks." She watched his shoulders sag in relief then grab the small box of books. "Tell her I said 'hi'." Rick nodded without a second word and quickly left the office.

"You sound tired." He smiled at the sound of her voice, his eyes sliding shut at the soft caress of her voice. "Meeting go okay?"

"Yeah. Was just long," he said, "How was your day?"

"About the same," she said, "Had physical therapy today. Managed to walk half a mile on the treadmill before I got too tired."

"That's good," he said, "Means you're getting better."

His voice trailed off, confirming her suspicions. Since she had woken up, quiet conversations with Richard Castle had been rare. "Rick..are you sure everything's okay?" She chewed her lip nervously, waiting for his response. She had been waiting for the other shoe to fall for a while. For him to leave her, finally deciding she wasn't worth the trouble.

"They want me to go on a tour," he finally admitted, "At first, they wanted four weeks, but I managed to get them down to only one and a half weeks."

She let out a shaky breath, her eyes slamming shut. He was leaving her. Her hands started to shake and he could hear the tremor in her breath over the phone. "Kate? Are you alright? Kate, please don't…I don't want to go. Please believe me." Her breathing calmed and she opened her eyes again when she heard the sincerity in his voice. He continued to call her name until she trusted her voice enough to speak again.

"I'm fine," she lied, hoping her voice didn't hold the tremor from before, "When do you leave?"

"Monday," he said, "I wanted…I was wondering if I could come see you before I leave. Kate…believe me…I don't want to leave you and…" Her heart lifted some at the emotion behind his words. He didn't _want_ to leave her. It was like a lifeline had been thrown to her once again.

"How about Thursday? You can stay the weekend and leave for the airport on Monday." Her words interrupted his rambling and she smiled when he stopped, picturing the smile on his face.

"Are you sure? I mean I don't want to interrupt any time with your dad." It was her turn to smile as she ducked her head, picking at a loose thread on her jeans.

"Yeah…I'm sure. Besides, I'm sure Dad could use a break. Go fishing with his friends or something." She chewed on her lip again as she waited for his response.

"I'll be there Thursday then." She released the breath she didn't even realize she had been holding.

"I'll see you then." She heard him say goodnight then hung up the phone. With a smile she laid back down against her pillows, closing her eyes. She liked hearing his voice before she went to sleep. It helped calm her before sleeping, before the dreams began.


	11. Chapter 11

She was sitting on the front porch when he arrived in the Land Rover, a blanket draped over the knees that were pulled to her chest, a coffee cup in hand. Her grin grew wide as he climbed out of his car, flowers and a wrapped present in his hand. She dropped the blanket and set her coffee down as she walked down the steps and straight into his arms. She buried her face in his neck, his unique Castle scent warming her. Reminding her of home and safety.

"Hey," Castle said, wrapping his arms tight around her, "I missed you."

"I missed you too," she said, blushing as he placed a chaste on her cheek.

"What's all this?" She took the flowers and reached for the gift he hid behind his back.

"The flowers are for you…the gift, for later." He twisted away as she tried to reach around him once again. She tried pouting, which quickly melted from her face when he kissed her cheek again.

"I should put these in water." She turned away and began to walk up the stairs while he grabbed his overnight bag to follow her in.

"How was the drive," she asked, reaching for a vase. She began to cut the stems off the flowers while he slid his jacket off and sat at the bar, watching her move around the kitchen.

"Good," he said, "Sorry I'm late. Got caught up working on a new idea for the next book."

"No problem," she said, "Dad's going to go out with one of his fishing buddies tomorrow, so it's just you and me."

"Sounds perfect. You can show me around this place." She smiled and placed the flowers in the vase, rearranging them a bit. "Are you hungry? Dad and I ate earlier, but there's plenty of leftovers."

"Yeah," he said, "Actually I am. Was in such a rush to get out of the city that I forgot to stop for dinner."

She shook her head and opened the fridge, pulling out a casserole dish and lettuce for a salad. Kate carefully spooned out some of the lasagna and put it on a plate before warming it. With the remaining salad mix, she cut up some tomatoes and threw it in with the lettuce before adding a balsamic dressing she had made. She quickly toasted the remaining garlic bread. "I'm sorry we don't have wine," she said, shrugging her shoulders.

"No worries." He smiled, knowing the reason was because of her father's past with alcohol. "Water or whatever's just fine." She nodded and handed him the plate before pouring him some of the tea leftover from dinner.

"So, where are you going on your tour?" She sat across from him at the bar, a fresh cup of coffee in her hand.

"San Francisco, Houston, Seattle, Los Angeles…the usual," he said, "Kate, you gotta believe me. I really did try to get out of this tour."

"I believe you," she said, softly touching his arm. It didn't erase the fear from her eyes, though. He nodded and took a bite of the lasagna, smiling. He knew Kate had made it, tasted exactly like the one she had made for dinner for the two of them one night. "The lasagna…it's my mother's recipe. Dad had a copy of it up here."

"I know. You made it for me once before. It's my favorite." She blushed and looked down at her hands, pursing her lips to keep from smiling.

She opened her mouth to ask about Alexis, but stopped when her father walked in. "Rick," the older man said, "Glad you could make it. I see Katie's already fixed dinner for you."

"Her mom's lasagna. It's one of my favorites." The man smiled and shook his head before pouring himself a glass of tea.

"Katie said you have to leave for a tour on Monday. When are you looking to be back?"

"The following Wednesday," he said, "Managed to argue them down to only a week and a half. I already spoke with Dr. Burke though…he's going to come out here to see Kate. Said getting out of the city would do him some good. Turn a family vacation out of it or something."

"You didn't have to do that," Kate said, "I could've made it into the city."

"He said he wanted to," Castle said, reassuring her. He had been waiting for the argument that she didn't need to be taken care of. That arranging the meeting wasn't his responsibility. He saw the fight in her eyes still, but it lessened. Knowing that going into the city would've been a burden on her dad.

Castle finished off the lasagna and salad, then washed the plate off in the sink. Sensing the younger man wanted time with his daughter, Jim Beckett excused himself, citing the need to go to bed early to get up early for his fishing trip. Kate wished her dad goodnight with a kiss to the cheek before moving over to the couch.

"There's tiramisu in the fridge," she said, "I picked it up at a bakery down the street. It's pretty good."

"Do you want some," he asked, opening the fridge to pull out the dessert. She nodded and he scooped some into a bowl before grabbing two spoons. He joined her on the couch, resting the bowl on his knee and handing her one of the spoons. Her eyes slid shut as she slid some of the dessert into her mouth and let out a low moan.

"You need me to leave you alone with this," he asked, raising his eyebrows. She rolled her eyes and grabbed another spoonful, laughing as he did the same. The dessert was good and Castle could easily see why she enjoyed it so much. The two quickly finished off the bowl, which Kate took to the sink with their spoons while Castle added more wood to the fire. When he sat back down on the couch, he was surprised when she curled up next to him, pulling the blanket she'd had outside with her over her legs.

They sat quietly in front of the fire, Castle updating her on how Alexis was doing at Columbia and how his mom was doing with her new shows. Rick didn't realize how late it was until he let out a huge yawn, all of a sudden unable to keep his eyes open. "C'me on," Kate said, standing up, "Bed time." Castle nodded sleepily, standing up and stretching. "I'll go make up your room." He watched her head up the stairs then carefully put out the fire before grabbing his bag and heading upstairs.

"The bathroom's right there," she said, pointing to the door across from the room. "My room's the right of that, if you need anything. There's extra blankets in the chest at the foot of the bed in case you get cold." She watched as he nodded and began to pull out his sleepclothes- a pair of old sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt. "Do you need anything before I go to bed?"

"Just a goodnight kiss," he said, wagging his tired eyebrows. Kate shook her head and stood on tiptoes, running her hand through his hair before pressing a kiss to his temple.

"I'll see you in the morning." She shyly smiled over her shoulder before closing the door to allow him to change.

Rick quickly changed for bed and brushed his teeth, glancing at the closed door next to the bathroom. The thought of sharing a room with Kate had crossed his mind on the drive up to the cabin. He missed holding her at night, the smell of cherries surrounding him. He missed her warmth and sleepy morning kisses, the way she snuffled in her sleep and would burrow her head in his neck when the sun started to wake her. He missed when she stole the covers because she was cold or how he would sometimes wake up to a cloud of brown hair over his eyes and drool on his shirt.

Curling up in the queen size bed, he closed his eyes. He didn't have her in his arms, but he was grateful to at least have her in the same house as him. At least it meant that she still cared for him, even if it wasn't quite in the way he wanted her to.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Since it didn't load last night, let's give this another shot. Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews/followers/favorites for this!

He heard the creaking of the floor boards outside his door before he heard the soft slide of the door open to his room. Turning on his side, he saw her standing in the doorway. The moon was full that night, the bright light illuminating her features. "I was afraid I would wake you," she whispered, tugging her lip between her teeth. She wrapped her arms tight around herself, the baggy shirt she wore doing little to protect her from the night's chill. He only shook his head and shifted further to one side of the bed, flicking the quilt back to invite her in on the other side.

Rick watched as she debated for a moment before creeping towards him and sliding into the space warmed from his body. He wrapped the blanket back around them, watching as she shifted on the pillow, her face inches from his own. "Why were you awake," she asked, resting her hand on her cheek.

"Dream," he replied honestly. Dreams and nightmares…the two were indistinguishable.

"What was it about?"

"You," he said, meeting her eyes, "It was your birthday…we spent time in the Hamptons. Alexis, my mother, Lanie, Espo and Ryan…everyone was there. But in my dream it was just us. We were on the beach at night. Just us, the moon, sand and water."

"That sounds nice," she said, a soft smile on her face.

"It was," he said, smiling back. "What woke you up?"

"Dream," she replied, "Nightmare, really." His face furrowed and she reached out, trying to gently rub the lines on his forehead away with her touch. "It was dark and wet. You were there…we were handcuffed together. We kept trying to escape, but a tiger kept chasing us." She stopped when she saw him smile.

"We were on a case together. We were drugged and handcuffed together. Your dream really happened…kind of." It was her turn to furrow her brow and returning the kindness, he ran his thumb along her forehead, smoothing the lines.

"I have all of these dreams," she whispered, her eyes sliding shut. "They all seem so real. Some are like yours…we're at the beach or in your apartment. I like those because I wake up smiling. Others…I'm running or I see a man with a gun. I wake up panting for air and caught up in my sheets." She shivers at the thought and shifts closer as he reaches to put his arms around her.

"Some of your memories are coming back," he said with a soft smile. "I know some of it's scary, but if you ever need me, you can just call me. It doesn't matter what time it is."

"I like being near you," she said, her eyes meeting his. "You make me feel safe and loved."

"I'm glad to hear that." He pressed a kiss to her forehead, shifting onto his back and pulling her with him. "You should sleep…you need to rest." She nodded and nuzzled her head against his chest, pressing her ear against his heart. He felt her body relax and breathing even out as she drifted back off to sleep. She was remembering their life together. Their cases, their adventures. He hoped in time she remembered his love.


	13. Chapter 13

To make up for taking so long to update, another chapter will be up soon!

He woke to sun shining in through the windows and hitting his face. Blinking against the light, he turned, looking for her. Only cold sheets and an indented pillow filled the other side of the bed.

Shivering, he pulled on an old sweatshirt and sweatpants before walking down the stairs. He smelled bacon and coffee, a smile spreading on his face as he peeked around the corner of the kitchen.

She wore an oversized sweatshirt and leggings, head bopping back and forth as she sang along with the music coming from a small radio in the corner. Leaning against the doorframe, he watched with an amused smile as she flipped pancakes and shifted bacon around in a pan.

"Good morning," she said, turning to him with a smile. "Hope you're hungry."

"Starved." He walked over to the coffee pot and poured himself a cup, leaning against the counter to watch.

"Pancakes are pretty much done. Plates up there if you can grab some." She motioned to the cabinet above his shoulder. He took out two plates and set them on the table before rifling through a drawer for silverware. He put their cups of coffee next to the two place settings just as set plates of eggs, pancakes and bacon on the table.

"Your dad already leave for his fishing trip?" He snagged two pancakes with his fork before smothering them with syrup and butter.

"Yeah," Kate said, watching him with an amused grin. "It's a wonder you haven't gone into diabetic shock with the way you eat." He flashed her a smile and dug in, groaning at the taste.

"Just like I remember," he said, quickly taking another bite.

"I had to look up the recipe. Dad told me this is how my mom made them." She ducked as a blush rose across her cheeks from his enthusiasm over her pancakes.

"Well, they taste just as amazing as always." He reached across and squeezed her hand gently before continuing. "So, what did you want to do today? Go into town? Stay around here and relax? Catch a movie?"

"Actually, there's someplace I want to take you," she said, pushing her hair behind her ear. He raised his eyebrow, but didn't ask questions, instead letting her surprise him.

"We're almost there," Kate said, brushing pine branches out of her way. "I've been coming here almost everyday since I came to the cabin. My dad says he and my mom brought me here all the time." Pushing one last branch out her way, Castle saw a small rocky beach with a clear blue-green lake spreading out before them.

"It's beautiful," he said, following her over to a log that lay near the shoreline. The day was still gray and overcast, the log damp from the rain that had fallen over night. A cool breeze blew lightly and Castle tugged at the sleeve of his fleece pull over, looking over to make sure Kate wasn't too cold either. She was wrapped up in a grey sweatshirt and jeans tucked into fleece boots. He pulled the blanket he had packed in a backpack, along with the carafe of coffee. She had said they were going for a short hike. Although he knew she was stronger, he still didn't know how far she was able to go without tiring. Pouring two cups, her handed her own and then lifted the edge of the blanket for her to slide under. Resting gently against his side, she took a sip, her eyes focusing on the lake.

"Where do you go first on your tour," she asked, turning slightly to face him.

"Houston," he said, "Then Las Vegas, Los Angeles and last, Seattle."

"Sounds like it'll be pretty fast paced," she said.

"It will be. You could come with me, if you wanted to." He heard a sharp inhale and turned to see her eyes wide as his unexpected request.

"I don't, I mean-" She stammered then closed her eyes, composing herself.

"It's okay," he said, interrupting her before she could speak and reaching out to take her hand. "You don't have to. I just wanted to let you know it's an option." She nodded, quickly and squeezed his hand.

"Have I always gone on tour with you," she asked, hoping her voice didn't give away the pounding in her chest.

"Not always," he said, "Sometimes for part of it, but never for the whole thing. You hated the fame that came with the books."

"I can see where that would get old," she said, laughing lightly. "I don't think I'm up for an whole week's trip. I have the therapist on Friday, but maybe…Seattle?"

It was his turn to be surprised. When he had demanded that Kate be allowed to travel with him, he never thought she would take him up on the offer. "Why am I not surprised that you would pick the one place that's fueled by coffee?" He laughed to himself and lifted his arm, letting her snuggle in closer to him. "I'll have Paula work to get you the details." He gently kissed her head and all of a sudden, wasn't completely dreading the tour.


	14. Chapter 14

As promised!

He ended up carrying her the last part of their trip, the exhaustion of the walk combined with her not sleeping well and waking up early had finally taken it's toll. Gently laying her on the couch, he covered with a blanket before going back outside to get firewood for the fireplace. When he returned, he saw her watching him sleepily from the couch. He quickly got the fire going then went to join her on the couch.

"You doing okay," he asked, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Yeah," she said, "Just a little worn out." She smiled and pushed herself up some so he could sit behind her on the couch, putting a pillow on his lap before laying her head back down gently. He felt the soft peach fuzz at the base of her scalp from new hair growing in. Soon, he hoped it covered the small scar that had been made from the surgeons when they removed the bullet.

"I keep having this dream," she said, turning so she could face the flames. "I'm speaking at a funeral…you're there and then all of a sudden, I felt this sharp pain in my chest. Like fire and then a tightness. Like I can't get enough air. Then, you're hovering over me…telling me you love me and begging me to not leave you." He tightened his hold on her and ran a hand through her hair, calming her. "I wake up…every time, gasping for air. At first, I thought it was just a dream…that it wasn't real. But then, I saw the scar…and I knew." She turned again, shifting to prop herself up a bit more. She saw his jaw tighten and knew he was fighting to hide his emotion. "Lanie told me about the incident…she came up for lunch last week. I didn't want to ask you…I thought it might pain you. She told me that I hid up here, to get away from what you told me. That you loved me. She said I lied to you about hearing what you said. She said it nearly destroyed us."

"It did," he said, staring straight ahead. "I was angry and we fought. For awhile, I didn't want to see you. Was going to walk away and leave you at the precinct. Let you work alone."

"Why didn't you," she asked, "I hurt you in so many ways. Lied to you. Put your life in danger. Pushed you away. Why didn't you just walk away?"

"Because I loved you," he said, "And I still do." She smiled and settled back down against him, raising her hand to trace her jaw.

"I'm not sure if I love you yet," she said, "But if everything that everyone has said is true, then I think that I could love you again."

"That's all I need to hear," he said, bending down to kiss her forehead. He continued to stroke her hair until he felt her body go lax, falling asleep wrapped in his arms.

He put his bag in the back of the car and shut the trunk, sliding his sunglasses on over his eyes. He turned to the woman next to him, forcing a grin. "Call me when you land," she requested, wrapping her arms around him.

"Yeah," he said, pressing a kiss to her temple. "If you promise to call me when you have a nightmare."

"Yeah," she said, pulling away slightly. "You better go. Don't want you to be late." He nodded, letting her go to climb in on the driver's side.

"I'll have Paula send you the details about the flight," he said, "Can't wait to see you in Seattle."

"Me either." He watched as she bit her lip and studied him for a moment. He knew that look in her eyes. Recognized it well as the one she had in her eyes the moment before she had kissed him for real the first time.

"Kate?" Before he finished her name, her lips were on his, gentle this time. With an edge of hesitation and insecurity. He quickly pressed his to hers, felling relief when he felt her smile.

"I just didn't want you to go without a kiss," she said, pulling away shyly. He grinned and gave her another quick kiss before telling her again that he would call as soon as he landed.

His plane was late getting into Houston. Storms in the Atlanta area had delayed his layover and it was close to midnight when he finally collapsed on the hotel bed. Not wanting to wake Kate, he sent a quick text to her and then his mother and Alexis before going into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

He exited to the sound of his phone vibrating on the nightstand. "Hey," he said, laying down on the bed. "Was hoping not to wake you up?"

"Couldn't sleep," she said softly, "Too quiet around here. The weather got bad and Dad won't be home until the morning." He smiled, remembering a time when she would have given anything to be alone. "How was the flight?"

"Good…long," he said, "Was delayed in Atlanta, so just got in a few minutes ago."

"What time's your first thing?"

"10," he said, "But have to meet with Gina over breakfast before that."

"I'll let you get some sleep then, " she said, a tone of sadness in her voice.

"You want me to read to you," he asked, reaching into his bag for his personal copy of his new book.

"Yeah," she said softly, "I'd like that." He smiled and put the phone on speaker before opening the book to the first page. It had been written while she was in the hospital, the majority composed while he sat by her side. It had been halfway complete when she had been shot the second time. He considered this one to be his best novel. The words…emotions…everything was on the page. He had held nothing back.

He imagined her curled up on the couch, phone pressed to her ear as he read, a smile spreading on her face when he hit a cheesy line. He was exhausted and fought off sleep, not stopping until he heard a soft snore come through from the other end. It was close to one in the morning and he had to be up at seven for a long day of readings and signings. He didn't care though. If it meant helping her get to sleep, he would read to her all night long.

Clicking off the phone, he pulled the sheets over his body and shifted against the pillow. As he closed his eyes, he thought about the dedication he had carefully chosen and what he would give to feel her skin against his as he slept.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N:Thanks for hanging with me for this one. There will probably be a sequel. The quote mentioned is by Brian Andreas.

His eyes bounced between the line in front of him and the clock on the wall opposite him. He could just barely see Paula blocking off the end of the line. With a sigh, he forced a smile and reached for the next book. Twenty more minutes and he would be on his way back to the hotel to meet Kate. He tried to lose himself in the signings, talking with each of his fans.

"Who should I make this out to," he asked, reaching for the next book he was handed.

"Kate." He heard her familiar voice and for a minute, he was back in the past. At a signing for a book written out of anger and rejection. Signing a book for the woman he loved, but had been turned away by. Shaking his head, a grin took over his face as he glanced up to see her, lip caught between her teeth." Behind her stood Paula. The end of the line.

He took the book and signed it, grinning as he stood to give it back to her. She was in his arms in an instant, laughing as he held her tight. "My flight got in early," she said, pulling away slightly. "So, I thought I could just meet you here. Good surprise?"

"Best surprise," he said, kissing her temple gently. "You must be exhausted, though." He had worried about the trip being too much for her. He knew she could walk longer distances, but after three months in a bed, atrophy was a lot to recover from.

"I'm fine," she said, giving him a reassuring smile. "At least, I will be as soon as you feed me."

"I think we might be able to make that happen," he said, pulling on his coat. He tucked her arm under his then waved goodbye for going outside to climb into the town car.

They at Ivar's, overlooking the bay. She looked amazing in a black turtle neck and dark jeans, hair curled and falling over her shoulders. He was glad to see she had grown some of weight back that she had lost while in the hospital. Her jeans weren't as baggy, her cheeks a bit fuller than when he had seen her a week before. "How's the tour been going," she asked after their order been taken.

"Exhausting," he replied, "Vegas was a nice distraction. Went and saw Cirque at the Mirage. You would have loved it." He told her about the Beatles music and the woman who had been on the trapeze for "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" and about the daredevils riding motorcycles. She laughed when he told her about some of the crazier fans, bearing their chest for him to sign. There had been a time when she would have been jealous if he told her that. Now, he just squeezed her hand and told her he only signed books.

After lunch, they walked along the wharf, her tucked tight against his side against the chilly wind. They stopped for coffee, which she groaned over after tasting before returning to the hotel. The traveling had worn her out and her muscles were aching so he let her soak in the bathtub while he met with Gina about some edits for the chapters he had already written for the new book.

He had just finished when she walked out, hair in a messy bun and wearing leggings with an oversized shirt. She curled up on the bed and reached for the book he had signed, opening it with a crack.

He watched as she ran her finger over his signature, a soft smile on her face. "What'cha thinking about," he asked, laying next to her on the bed.

"What you wrote," she said, "And the dedication. I didn't understand what it meant." She shifted to face him, letting him take half of the book in his hands. "For the extraordinary KB. Sometimes there are no words for this." He had written the dedication after many days and nights of pondering what to put. It was his first novel since they had decided to be together and wanted it to mean something to her, but would leave the rest of the world out of the life he shared with her.

"I feel like there's some deeper meaning behind this, but I can't remember what." He heard the frustration in her voice and pressed a kiss to her forehead, smiling.

"There is," he said, kissing her again. "It's an adaptation of my favorite quote. 'I read once that the ancient Egyptians had fifty words for sand and the Eskimos had a hundred words for snow. I wish I had a thousand words for love, but all that comes to mind is the way you move against me while you sleep and there are no words for that."

A smile broke across her face as she lifted herself to face him, running her thumb against his lips before gently kissing him. "I've missed you," she said, running her hand through his hair. Missed his smile, his laugh, his frustrating ways. Everything he had shown her since the day she woke up, confused and feeling very alone in the world. He smiled at her and returned her kiss, pulling her close.

"I knew you'd find your way back to me," he whispered, brushing his hand along her cheek. She laughed lightly and closed her eyes, inhaling the scent she always used to identify him. A bullet had taken her away from him. Love had brought her back. The unending mantra of a life built together.

The End


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